Preface : I wrote this while I was in New Jersey. I was having some difficultly writing. I’m not sure why maybe the change in environment. But one morning while strolling through my notes I found this observation that I wrote in February. After reading the note the writing flowed. Here is the note:
I sat and observed as a mother watched her toddler climb up the stairs. At first he fell on his bottom and she was right behind him encouraging him of her presence and for him to keep going. All she did was place her hand on his bottom and back. The toddler got back on his feet and held on to the stair in front of him. I watched as he climbed those stairs one-by-one and his mom was behind him the whole time. Looking at him in pride. Even though he’s not my son, I too was so proud to see his growth. To see how he’s matured and developed enough to the point that he was walking and climbing the stairs. There were moments where he fell but he was determined to continue walking. He took each step one-by-one.
If I can be transparent I would have to say that the ending of February to April was one of the most challenging time I’ve ever had in my life. I would wake up in the morning and will myself to keep pressing. There were times where I felt like I was just going through the motions, watching my life pass me by. I felt a tad lost.
It was as if life was happening and I wanted to believe that it would work out for my good but in some moments I didn’t understand how it could. I didn’t fully see how God would redeem this situation. I didn’t doubt that He could but I doubted if I could endure and remain strong in the process.
Throughout this time my biggest prayer was God give me the strength to endure, because the truth was I felt like I was disappearing. But something happened… God, the loving Father that He is told me that I needed to surrender what I was going through. I needed to give it to Him. In the midst, it boiled down to a feeling of betrayal. It was like God promised me something and He took it from me. That’s me being very honest, I can say this because I know that God understands. I had to acknowledge the pain I was experiencing but I also needed to realize that it serves a purpose. When everything first started I understood that the devil intended to destroy my faith thinking that it would cause me to lose confidence in God. Because I understood this I was mindful of my thoughts surrounding God and His nature. Reminding myself that I sought the gifter and not the gift. Fixing my eyes on the character of God and the love of God that was exemplified through Jesus. So like I said, faith in God wasn’t my dilemma. I was trying to understand my situation. I was trying to figure out why I had to go through this.
One day my best friend said “I think God is trying to teach you something”.
In the moment I said jokingly, “I didn’t want to learn anything.” But I knew she was right. From the beginning, deep down I knew what this was about. Adversity is our greatest teacher and I would like to share some of what I’m learning and have learned through it.
I God is sovereign
‘“I know that You can do all things, And that no thought or purpose of Yours can be restrained. Job 42: 2 AMP
This sounds so cliche but it’s the truth. The more I tried to figure out what was going on God kept saying the same thing. He wouldn’t give me answers but challenged me to trust Him along the way. God doesn’t need our approval to act or not act. We don’t determine what God chooses to do or what He doesn’t do. He’s able all by Himself. He doesn’t need us to understand our plight but He REQUIRES US TO TRUST HIM.
God wants us to trust Him
‘O my God, in You I [have unwavering] trust [and I rely on You with steadfast confidence], Do not let me be ashamed or my hope in You be disappointed; Do not let my enemies triumph over me. Indeed, none of those who [expectantly] wait for You will be ashamed; Those who turn away from what is right and deal treacherously without cause will be ashamed (humiliated, embarrassed). ‘ Psalms 25:2-3 AMP
If we truly say that God is our father, lord, master and everything else we call Him: why don’t we trust Him when we go through difficulty? Why do we complain when things don’t go as planned? A person that trusts God with their life is unbothered when the climate changes, because they understand that their roots are securely planted. That regardless of what the climate looks or feels like they will always be nourished and that nourishment is not determined by the external. It is determined by who they are rooted in.
God is sovereign. God wants us to trust Him.
God is my Father
‘ “Pray, then, in this way: ‘Our Father, who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. ‘ MATTHEW 6:9 AMP
When I think of Jesus who in the face of His suffering chose His Father’s will over His own. I realize that being God’s child ( sonship) is not just about the “blessings you receive”. It rests on the fact that God will allow His children to suffer but we must yield to His will regardless of what it looks like. God will allow His children to endure suffering. The key word here is endure: to finish, complete it, triumph, to stand under the weight of it. He will allow us to walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Often times, He might lead us into the wilderness. But because I know He is my Father I know that after I walk through the wilderness I’ll be more like Jesus. I also know that He is with me every step of the way–One-by-one, God is with me. When I know God is my Father, suffering becomes an opportunity for advancement instead of one for hinderance.
God is sovereign. God wants us to trust Him. God is my Father.
We need to be pruned
‘Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that continues to bear fruit, He [repeatedly] prunes, so that it will bear more fruit [even richer and finer fruit]. ‘ John 15:2 AMP
It was the other day while attending a revival at my home church that I saw myself as a tree. Literally, there was a tree and my face was in the center of it. God said “I’m pruning you”. I know they say that plants don’t feel anything but as people when the Lord begins to prune, trim, break, graft and burn it’s painful and in the beginning it’s ugly. We don’t see what the finished product will be, we just have to trust the work of our vinedresser. We have to trust that as He works we become more like Jesus. Mourning truly does not last forever. When we understand who God is we can rest in what happens in our life. Not because it is easy, but in the hands of a trustworthy and sovereign God we can rest.
God is sovereign. God wants us to trust Him. God is my Father. We need to be pruned.
The same power that took me from a life of darkness can take me into living victoriously regardless of what happens.
‘and [so that you will begin to know] what the immeasurable and unlimited and surpassing greatness of His [active, spiritual] power is in us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of His mighty strength ‘Ephesians 1:19 AMP
I was sitting down one day and those words came to me. The devil makes us feel like we are so weak, lacking the ability to face the circumstances of life. But it’s time that we come out from that deceptive mindset. It was the life, crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus that redeemed us from darkness. It’s the same power that worked in those events that lives within us. We have authority and power; we aren’t victims to our circumstance. This all sums up to where we find our strength… Is it in ourselves or in God? His grace is sufficient.
God is sovereign. God wants us to trust Him. God is my Father. We need to be pruned. The same power that took me from a life of darkness can take me into living victoriously regardless of what happens.
It’s easy to walk out of the grave but it takes endurance, strength, community, faith and Jesus to remove the dead clothes.
‘that, regarding your previous way of life, you put off your old self [completely discard your former nature], which is being corrupted through deceitful desires, and put on the new self [the regenerated and renewed nature], created in God’s image, [godlike] in the righteousness and holiness of the truth [living in a way that expresses to God your gratitude for your salvation]. ‘ Ephesians 4:24
Some of us are out of the grave but we still are wrapped in the things from the grave. We need each other, you need someone that can help you or show you what you have held on to from the grave. We have to believe that God calls us into complete liberation not partial and this will mean enduring when you want to quit. This will mean talking some God sense into yourself. This means pushing past everything you see to take hold of what is not seen.
God is sovereign. God wants us to trust Him. God is my Father. We need to be pruned. The same power that took me from a life of darkness can take me into living victoriously regardless of what happens. It’s easy to walk out of the grave but it takes endurance, strength, community, faith and Jesus to remove the dead clothes.
Our life is a sacrifice executed through obedience and the laying down of our own life and will.
‘ Therefore I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies [dedicating all of yourselves, set apart] as a living sacrifice, holy and well-pleasing to God, which is your rational (logical, intelligent) act of worship. ‘ Romans 12:1 AMP
This statement embodies Jesus’ life. WE WERE CREATED FOR OBEDIENCE TO GOD OUR FATHER EVEN IF IT MEANS WE MAY NEVER GET WHAT WE WANT. The truth is we are suppose to desire what God desires so in the end we get our desires because they are aligned with the desires of God. But let’s be honest, sometimes we just aren’t there yet we want what we want and throw a tantrum when we don’t get it. But we have to remember our life is not our own, it is indeed a sacrifice. Daily, minute-by-minute we have to remind ourself that ” Nadesha, God has given you this life for a purpose greater than yourself. What is He saying?”. I know this isn’t easy and it takes work. Just like the children of Israel you and I have to fight that Egypt mentality. Because I sure have no plans of going back. Do you?
God is sovereign. God wants us to trust Him. God is my Father. We need to be pruned. The same power that took me from a life of darkness can take me into living victoriously regardless of what happens. It’s easy to walk out of the grave but it takes endurance, strength, community, faith and Jesus to remove the dead clothes. Our life is a sacrifice executed through obedience and the laying down of our own life and will.
Let’s go back to the toddler. Here he was facing a new feat and he tried to figured out how he would conquer them. Every time he made a move he looked back at his mother and she was always there. Her hand on his back comforting him and her hand on his bottom lifting him to stand again. Just as this mother was there for her child God is doing the same for us. He won’t force us over the obstacle and He won’t walk or climb the obstacle for us. But everything that we need to face it: security, strength, love, encouragement, reassurance when we fail, correction and guidance – WE HAVE IT! I pray that the Holy Spirit will make these words come alive in your situation. In the midst of the adversity, we shall rest in Him! Why? Because We know Him. Thank you for visiting and reading!
With love through Christ, Nadesha
“He guards the feet of His godly (faithful) ones, But the wicked ones are silenced and perish in darkness; For a man shall not prevail by might.”1 Samuel 2:9 AMP
‘And let endurance have its perfect result and do a thorough work, so that you may be perfect and completely developed [in your faith], lacking in nothing. ‘James 1:4 AMP
4 thoughts on “Learning to Lean”
Nadesha, your post blessed me because one of my prayers is that God will raise up courageous wise hearted women who will be real with themselves, repent of disobedience and give God all the glory. You did all that in your post. At 72 I can tell you in America we have never needed courageous wise women more. Christianity is more like something people just add to their list of who they are. That is easy, hey I go to church, hey , I wear a cross, hey I give to orphans, hey, I do, do, do, do. The only thing God wants us to do is die to self, the rest will follow. Even admitting we are frail is hard, we like to live in our head and think we are what we think we are. But God says live in my head, the Word, I will show you what you are not so you will turn to me. My goodness you have blessed me. I will be back for another visit.
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To God be the glory… Thank you so much for your encouraging words. If we can’t be honest with God and ourselves then who will we be honest with. I pray that more of us will recognize our need for God in everything! Thanks for stopping by! Looking forward to more visits! Thank you
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Nadesha, this post is so bold and so beautiful. I felt every word and tear through the pain but I also felt that breakthrough, that feeling of victory and overcoming through the revelation of who God still is and who He will continue to be. I love how you broke it down. this line “IT’S EASY TO WALK OUT OF THE GRAVE BUT IT TAKES ENDURANCE, STRENGTH, COMMUNITY, FAITH AND JESUS TO REMOVE THE DEAD CLOTHES.” specifically spoke to me. so easy for us to keep the dead clothes on – holding on to the past.
this is a beautiful post. too beautiful to put into words about how I feel about it.
love you so much and so proud of you