It’s Wednesday night and I’m brushing my teeth realizing that tomorrow is Thursday and I still have nothing to post on my blog. But to be honest, I didn’t have anything to post. There were certain things the Holy Spirit and I have been working through and that’s all there is. But while I was brushing my teeth I realize something, “it’s okay to be working through.”
Sometimes we go through situations and feel that because of our faith in God in the midst of adversity we should continue running full force as if acknowledging what we are going through is denying God’s power. I don’t know where we get that mindset from when it’s obvious through the word that acknowledgement is important. We see men like David, Paul and most importantly Jesus having moments when they had to rest. Where they confessed – “Lord this is hard but you are with me!” Tonight, I’m getting a whole new understanding of “working out my salvation with fear and trembling” … it’s totally okay for us to work through our experiences with the Holy Spirit. It’s fine to have those: “Lord I’m weak moments”– because when we are weak then in HIM WE ARE STRONG. God is not asking us to fake the funk but to be broken and contrite! Then He will be close to us–strengthening us.
‘ The Lord is close to those who are of a broken heart and saves such as are crushed with sorrow for sin and are humbly and thoroughly penitent.’ Psalm 34:18
For the past two weeks I’ve felt broken and a little disappointed in myself because I thought feeling broken wasn’t okay. I felt that what I’m going through should “look” like what it looks like for other people. “Am I sad enough or am I too sad? Am I showing enough faith? What would so and so do? What are so and so expecting me to do? I don’t want to seem weak.” No where in these thoughts is Lord help me in my brokenness. Lord teach me how to trust Your wisdom when I don’t understand.
‘ Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.’ Proverbs 3:5 AMP
The Lord is not asking us to be robots who don’t acknowledge their feelings. He gave us feelings. He just doesn’t want our feelings to override His word. At one point, I said to myself “ is it okay to be sad? ”… reading that now sounds so stupid but I can imagine other people going through adversity trying to appear strong. Wanting to show people that “yea I have faith”. But since when does acknowledging how you feel mean that you don’t have faith? Does God not know how we feel? Who are we trying to “prove this faith to?”
I felt my faith raise up when I cried to the Lord and told Him that even in the midst He is still good! My faith stood as I faced a harsh reality that can bring some to depression. My faith endured when I felt like I just wanted to isolate myself because “ no one understands”.
‘ Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.’ James 1:3 AMP
The truth of the matter is God doesn’t want us to hide WHO WE ARE FROM HIM. Like Adam and Eve in the garden He wants us to be naked and unashamed so that He can cover us! If we try to cover ourselves we are confessing that we don’t need God.
I’m at this place where I am working out my salvation, trusting in God’s nature even if around me things happen that look contradictory.
One day this week, I watched a video clip of Jenn Johnson teaching a group of worship leaders. She said if we aren’t convinced of the words we are singing then we shouldn’t be singing it until we’ve gotten to the point where we can genuinely confess it. We can’t sing “ you’re a good good father” if deep inside we are second guessing that. The thing about confession is that sometimes it takes time to truly confess something. You repeat it over and over again until it gets in your heart and becomes real to you. God is good regardless of my understanding of His goodness, His gifts are good, they are advantageous even if RIGHT now I don’t fully see that. But guess who does see – God! He sees everything and is not surprised by our experiences. Neither is He surprised by our response. If we allow Him, He prepares us for every experience we will ever have. All I can say is Thank you Lord for your preparation because otherwise I don’t know where I’d be.
Like Adam and Eve in the garden He wants us to be naked and unashamed so that He can cover us! If we try to cover ourselves we are confessing that we don’t need God.
Maybe you don’t see how God can work in what you are going through. Feeling like there’s no possible way anything good can come from this. Or “God if you are this why that….”– you fill in the blank– Whatever it may be that is standing up against who God and His word says He is… let’s take hold of that, release it and refuse to allow ourselves to listen or believe it. One thing that has really helped me these past days is Job’s story. Reminding me that adversity does not mean God loves me any less. Adversity does not mean I have sinned. Adversity does not mean God has left me. Just like Job I don’t completely know what it means but I know God and what He means : promises, His will, good plans, all things working together for the good, chosen, called, forgiveness, protection, sanctification, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, refuge, shield, His word above His name, healer, all powerful, all knowing, alpha and omega, aleph and bet, peace , solid foundation, river of living water, well of hope, the God that sees, eternal life, justice and strength!
I’m learning its not important to know why but knowing WHO. The enemy’s goal is to turn our hearts from God because He knows that God will never turn His heart from us. We are the ones that leave and desert Him. Why? Mainly because we feel our experiences do not line up with what we think we should get. I wonder if when we focus more on the giver would it change the way we look at what we “ should get”?
Reminding me that adversity does not mean God loves me any less. Adversity does not mean I have sinned. Adversity does not mean God has left me.
This year I decided to pursue fully knowing God! To understand His nature and who He is so that when the time comes where everything is in chaos I’m wrapped in the God who is peace so I will be at peace. I write all of this to say, it’s okay to be honest with the Lord with how you feel– just remember who God is. Don’t loose sight of God’s character because of your feelings. Nothing He does is dependent on us, no it’s dependent on His nature. God acts according to His character, our ability to receive and perceive it lies in whether or not we understand or know His character. Love y’all so much, Nadesha
Don’t loose sight of God’s character because of your feelings!
‘ Therefore, my dear ones, as you have always obeyed [my suggestions], so now, not only [with the enthusiasm you would show] in my presence but much more because I am absent, work out (cultivate, carry out to the goal, and fully complete) your own salvation with reverence and awe and trembling (self-distrust, with serious caution, tenderness of conscience, watchfulness against temptation, timidly shrinking from whatever might offend God and discredit the name of Christ).’ Philippians 2:12AMP
‘He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”’ Matthew 26:38-39 NLT
‘ So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).’ 2 Corinthians 12:10 AMP