We moved to North Carolina in the beginning of August, 2017. A few weeks after my husband was assigned to His unit, he was told he would be deploying in three months. My husband came home that day and told me…. devastated is a mild emotion compared to what I felt. It’s like my heart stopped beating for a second while I tried to catch my breath and to come back to reality.
This would be his first deployment. So here we are in a new town, new house, married for 8 months and he would be gone for 9 months maximum. I just couldn’t understand what good could come from this. Needless to say the days that ensued were an emotional roller coaster. Like a pendulum, I swung from trusting God to fearing for my husband’s life. I remember one specific day I had a breakdown… I was gasping for air but it didn’t fill my lungs, it felt like I was suffocating.
One of my friends advised me to go on my knees and take deep breaths. I did that for about ten minutes and I was finally able to breath normally. I don’t think I even told my husband about that day… I wanted to be strong for Him, after all He was the one who would be in danger everyday… Since we had just moved to NC we were looking for a new church. The Sunday following this transitional week( I can say this in hindsight) we went to visit a church that was recommended to us by our movers. We got to the church and sat at least 6 rows from the front. Needless to say we both felt at home. The Pastor preached about Psalms 84. The specific verses He focused on were:
“Blessed and greatly favored is the man whose strength is in You, In whose heart are the highways to Zion. Passing through the Valley of Weeping ( Baca), they make it a place of springs; The early rain also covers it with blessings. They go from strength to strength [increasing in victorious power]; Each of them appears before God in Zion.” PSALM 84:5-7 AMP
I remember him saying:
What you are going through will be a testimony to others. They will see the way you endure with joy and know it’s God that brought you through.
In that moment I was so encouraged and knew that God was in the midst of our situation. The following day I meditated on this scripture during my devotions. I continued studying that scripture for a couple of days, I will share what was given to me at the end of this post.
Looking back over those 9 months I would be lying to you if I said there weren’t moments where I worried, cried, was angry or didn’t understand. But God taught me something: He was literally a call away! There were times where I would feel the desire to lay before God on my face crying out for my husband’s protection, without knowing why. My husband once said to me that He could feel the darkness while He was in the Middle East….. the oppression was great. So as His wife, it was my right and privilege to intercede for Him and the safety of His unit until they returned home. Those 9 months were rough but it showed me that I’m stronger than I thought I was. You know why? Because God is with me. He was teaching me that the Valley of Weeping, is a place of hardship emotionally, physically and spiritual but He IS ABLE TO TRANSFORM IT into a place of blessing! Not just blessing but a place where He will envelop me in His blessing, in His goodness, In His presence, in His peace… and ultimately in Him! Isn’t this where we always want to be in Him! In those 9 months I had to rely on God! In those 9 months I faced my fears and doubt but with the help of the Holy Spirit I conquered them.
This is what I wrote on August, 28 2017: Endurance requires us to have motivation. Where is your heart leading you? A person whose heart is set upon Christ and being like Him makes very “bad” situation one that glorifies God. Our heart is the center of our life. It instructs us and if it is not set on Christ you will not make it. We can only receive strength from God to make it through and this only happens when your heart is set upon the pathways to see Christ. These verses even tell us that this blessed and highly favored person will go through the valley of mourning but they make it into a spring. Why? Because their heart is set upon the highway to Zion. Not only do they make it a spring, God rains blessings on it. On September 7, 2017 I also wrote this :“God has given us every necessary tool that we will need for the journey.”
Looking at those words today, I know that those 9 months were necessary for me. It was a period where God taught me how to truly stay hidden in Him. How to rest in His peace, trust His purposes, have faith in the midst of uncertainty and endure. Like I said before, I didn’t always get it right but I resolved to trust God because guess what I HAD NO CHOICE. It’s sad but sometimes God has to allow for us to get to that place so we can see that ” Yea man I need God”. God showed in that season: He is the only One that can transform the valley of weeping into a place of blessing . God taught me that worrying is torture, but resting is peace.
God wants us to take Him at His word. He wants us to rely on it like how we rely on air. He desires that type of intimacy with us and some of us need to go through the Valley of Weeping for us to get back to our first love! I pray that we remember that God wants to make His dwelling place with us! The God of this Universe wants to DWELL WITH YOU.. when you think about that endurance seems so minuscule.
It was yesterday that I was taken back to Psalms 84 and all I can say is Lord thank you…. thank you for being my teacher and instructing me according to Your heart! Reflecting on those 9 months shows me how God really can make all things work together for the Good of those that Love Him.
In this season, I believe God wants to teach us how to abide in Christ and have Him abide in Us. How to not just be “ Christian” but how to be His bride. Whose heart is for her husband and desires to serve Him above all else! He gives us opportunities to return to Him when we sin… God wants us to return to our first love and for many of us He knows we need to go through the Valley of Baca( weeping)….. Don’t loose hope though, because He will transform it into moments of clarity where you see that He is what matters and a season of peace!
Everything else will fail but He will stand the test of time!
‘Jesus replied, “Loving me empowers you to obey my word. And my Father will love you so deeply that we will come to you and make you our dwelling place. ‘ John 14:23 TPT
And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.’ ROMANS 8:28 AMP
With the Love of Christ, Nadesha