The Great Collide: Emotional Pain and Our Father

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         Two Wednesday ago while at Discipleship class I knelt down to worship– I began to weep; I could feel the love of God engulfing me as I knelt. I could hear Him telling me that He loved me and I didn’t have to earn His love. I began to weep even more because even though I already knew this, my actions didn’t reflect it. He said that I haven’t fully accepted His love which prevents me from loving others the way that I should. His love has been freely given to me. He said I was loving from a place of my understanding that’s why I placed expectations on others because subconsciously I had put those expectations on myself. Those expectations are what I thought He wanted… In that moment I felt free, like I finally met liberty! I felt free to love  Jesus, my husband, my friends  and strangers. In that moment God exposed my heart without me even asking Him. He once again showed me that His love could not be earned.

         The weeks that followed I would have two separate conversations with women from my tribe. Both of them shared something with me about emotional intelligence. I didn’t make the connection, we were just talking like we always did. Last Saturday, I went to volunteer training at church. The facilitator talked about the importance of leading yourself and the next thing I heard was “emotional intelligence”. I had a mental pause, “ God are you trying to say something here”. The facilitator continued to talk about how to lead yourself… In that exact moment, the Holy Spirit reminded me of a scripture that He brought to my attention on Friday. Proverbs 25:28, which says: ‘ He who has no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls.

I could hear Him telling me that He loved me and I didn’t have to earn His love.

  I went on the biblehub.com website and looked at the Hebrew translation of Proverbs 25.28. I saw that the Hebrew word for rule (matsar)  in 25:28 is used once in the whole Old Testament. In that moment, I understood that we have control over one thing, our disposition. We can’t control what’s happening to us but we can control our physical and emotional reactions. I mean this wasn’t the first time I’ve heard that. But God blew my mind because plainly it’s written “ This is what I’ve given you control of— the seat or your emotions: your disposition, what you choose to do, choose to say, how you feel or how you don’t feel. But in this same week I had another conversation about the importance of emotional healing. So y’all know I laid right before the Lord and asked Him to do some emotional  healing in my life…

This is what I’ve given you control of— the seat or your emotions: your disposition, what you choose to do, choose to say, how you feel or how you don’t feel.

   Fast forward to today… I sat in the same discipleship class where we discussed the importance of Sonship. Before they started teaching we worshiped and declared that we are God’s beloved.. And it suddenly hit me… satan’s goal is for us to be so emotionally scared that we can’t accept what God has said about us.. We can’t be fully reconciled to God because we don’t believe that we are sons and daughter of God. That conclusion was brought to me as my husband, cousin and I drove home. I began sharing with them my experience of accepting God as my Father, My Daddy.

Growing up it was my mother and I. She was my mother and father. For most of my childhood years I barely spoke to my father. The relationship that I have with my father today was developed during my college years ( Thank you Lord for restoration). So when I tried to understand God as my Father, I couldn’t do it. In my mind, I couldn’t even trust my earthly father so how could I TRUST one that I couldn’t see. My earthly father wasn’t dependable so how could I possibly depend on one that I couldn’t see.  I didn’t understand what it meant to have a father who loved me and would give His all for me. A father like this was foreign to me— Seeing God in this light was inconceivable for me. Thinking about this story makes me smile, because I remember. I remember what God said to me when showed me that He is my Father. Basically, He told me He loved me the way that I was. In that moment He showed me true fatherhood. It was a love that I didn’t have to earn and I didn’t have to ask for it. For a girl struggling with receiving love from her father, God gave it to me freely. That was 9 years ago and He’s proven to be my Father.

I could hear God telling me that He loved me an I didn’t have to earn His love.

There are still times when I fail to grasp the Father’s love for me. I question whether His goodness has been good to me. I question His love for me when I struggle with shame. But in the end, God reassures me of His love. I just thank Him for this reminder. His love is what encourages me to endure.. He chose us even when He knew at times we wouldn’t choose Him! JESUS THANK YOU!

I want to share something the Holy Spirit poured into me last year that He reminded me of tonight! Thank y’all so much for stopping by, I hope my posts aren’t too heavy. I pray that this blesses someone in some shape or form, it’s still blessing me!

I question whether His goodness has been good to me.

 April 22,2018 If you then, evil(sinful by nature) as you are, know how to give good and ADVANTAGEOUS gifts to your children. How much more will your Father who is in heaven{ Perfect as He is} give what is good and advantageous to those who keep on asking. Matthew 7:11 Good––Agatha(biblehub.com)- inherently good, distinguished, useful advantage  We have to KNOW  the gifter to understand just how good the gift really is. God our heavenly Father gives gifts according to the purpose He placed in us that we cannot see. He sees the seeds and pours out to nourish that seed. Our perception of how God does that nourishment is dependent on how we view Him. If we believe that He is our Father then everything He does stems from that aspect of Him. A Father provides, is always present, disciplines, gives advice, aligns us in positions that will make us have an advantage. The greatest joy of a Father is to see all He has poured into you bear fruit. If this is the heart’s desire of an earthly Father, IMAGINE THE DESIRE OF OUR HEAVENLY FATHER.  

This is why the enemy has ruined the image of “a father”. If we do not have an earthly example of a father with those traits it can be difficult for us to understand our Heavenly Father.

God gives us gifts that will be advantageous to us. Positioning us to a place where we are at an advantage to fulfill God’s will and desire. He creates “favorable circumstances that increases our chances of success and effectiveness!” His gifts are INTENTIONAL and full of purpose. What WE SHOULD understand is that God is perfect and so are His ways. UNTIL we  know who He is we will never understand that He wants us to be successful and effective in what He’s called us to! This success might not be in how “the world” defines it but if we have the mind of Christ and seek what’s above we will see it!

 Oh Lord, this is longer than I intended I promise, lol..  I’m going to end this by saying, a lot of us have emotional pain that we hold on to that was strategically implemented by the enemy.  God desires to heal us of it but some of us keep holding on to it… I mentioned this in another blog post.  He wants to heal us so that we can walk in liberty. Accepting His love shown in our reciprocated love to Him and others.

We hold on to emotional pain like a security blanket because it feels safe. But it’s not! We focus so much on physical healing when some of us are chronically sick emotionally. Do you think Jesus could have walked and lived as He did if He had emotional hang ups and pain? It’s time that we remove the band-aid and dressing opening that thing wide open. God is so incredible though because He does this gently. He won’t force it on us. He wants to take us hand in hand and work out those pains. The pain the devil intended for  destruction God intends to use for His kingdom. God is our Father, one that loves, convicts, corrects and heals. He’s not just going to leave us out there hang to dry. No, not our Father! He restores us with gentleness, He upholds us with His right hand, He covers us with a shield of protection… We will never fully take hold of all God has for us until we know that He is our Father. His love for us is based solely on HIS character.  I pray     that God will heal us of our emotional wounds!

I could hear God telling me that He loved me and I didn’t have to earn His love.

With Love through Christ, Nadesha

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